i almost got fired last week
This conversation occurred after I submitted a controversial article which addressed the inadequacies of the staff of the Old Gold & Black (the Wake Forest University newspaper — I have a biweekly humor column). To let you get the gist of my views, here’s an excerpt from said article:
“…most of the editors are subpar English majors and minors, few of whom have garnered even a nugatory morsel of notice from the department, and whose more illustrious moments are based upon a few mediocre papers which regurgitate exactly what the professor said in class.”
And now I return to the beginning of the thread, which began with a request for an article; it was an e-mail which I overlooked until the day after my article was due. Oops. Also, it turns out my editor is an English major. Go figure. Anyway, here’s the thread:
On 9/23/2009 11:03 PM, Caroline ______ wrote:
Hey Austin,
I need a humor column by Monday, Sept. 28, please and thank you : )
-Caroline
On Tue, Sep 29, 2009 at 10:45 AM, Austin H. Jones wrote:
woops. just saw this. im workin on it!
On 9/29/2009 9:49 PM, Caroline ______ wrote:
Thanks. Will you get it in tonight or tomorrow morning?
-Caroline
On Wed, 9/30/2009 at 10:06 AM, Austin H. Jones wrote:
how late do you wake up anyway?
here it is!
On Wed, 9/30/2009 5:15 PM, Caroline _____ wrote:
So, I do not want to inform you of this given that I know you wrote
this pretty last minute on top of your busy schedule and what not, but
because I didn’t get this on Tuesday and we went ahead and drew the
layout for the section without your article, I wasn’t thinking and
didn’t allow enough room for your piece.
On that same note, I was wondering if this is something you really
want to keep doing. I enjoy reading your columns, I promise I do, but
you tend to get them in last minute and there isn’t as much
versatility in them as I would like to be seeing from you. You seem to
have a very busy schedule and if this lightens the load for you then I
hope I am helping you, but if it is something you do want to continue
doing then I would need you to please try and get them in on time more regularly and to make your column a little livelier. We can certainly talk about that a little more in depth, but your busy schedule and all the stuff you have to do seem to come out in your columns and from what you’ve told me it sounds like this is kind of a hassle for you, and I don’t want this to be a hassle for you.
Feel free to e-mail me with any comments or questions.
Sincerely,
Caroline
——-Original Message——-
From: “Austin H. Jones”
Date: Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:46:03
To: Caroline <_______@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Humor column
Hi, Caroline.
As you know, I am pretty bad at emailing in a timely manner. It is the
least personal form of communication available (I guess we could have
facebook-messaged), and I don’t think I should be held to the same
standard of timeliness as with superior forms of correspondence such as
a telegram or a messenger-pigeon.
My only apology: sorry if I seem too frank. From all that you have read
of my work, I’m sure you knew this was coming:
I really do enjoy writing. And the fact that it actually is one of my
lowest priorities is not evidence against that statement — it is still
a priority. That said, I think it is unfair to say that I tend to get my
articles in last minute. Fair would be to say that whenever my editor
has offered me an extension, I generally took one; but I have rarely
asked for one. This week was actually the very first time in 3 years of
writing for the OGB that I turned it in later than tuesday afternoon
(and that only happened 3 times that I recall). I had the fortune of
being hired by one of my friends, Mariclaire, at the beginning of my
sophomore year, and she was very kind to me in asking for my articles
and relaying reminders about them to me. I was then transferred to CeCe,
who had a hard time remembering to remind me about my articles. She
tried putting me on a schedule, like I was a well-oiled machine that she
could churn laughter out of, and I resisted her. But when I was asked to
up my word count last year, I complied without a single complaint (if
you don’t count a joking email I sent to CeCe in which I asked if I was
going to be getting a raise proportional to the word increase).
Although I do often mention the lackluster quality of the OGB and the
“fact” that I hate writing my articles, please remember: I write a humor
column! I have played off the irony that I don’t respect the OGB in
order to achieve ITS goal for me this entire time, to make a handful of
people laugh. I don’t think I have ever confided in you about the amount
of stress these articles contribute to my life, but I’ll tell you now —
they weigh on me very little. And my massive workload is about 75%
imagined. Yes, I have other things to do, and occasionally things pop up
and I’m obligated to do something at a certain time which I had
previously set aside to write my article, but any time I have mentioned
my workload in an article it has been a direct jab at the culture of
Wake Forest, whose students relish the moments when they have more
obligations than the next guy.
This leads me to your next issue: my own versatility. First off, I feel
as though there is a better word out there that you might have been
looking for; if this is the case, I lament that it has not been
supplied. Otherwise, I will take your word at its definition: the state
of embracing a variety of subjects, fields, or skills. I haven’t read
any single article that covers as much random crap as my own.
In the case that you meant that my articles are not attractive to the
Wake Forest populace… so be it. I view the proposal that a single
person could write a column that regularly entertains the majority of
the Wake world to be an utterly ridiculous one; I encourage you to
attempt it. I also think it is short-sighted to presume that someone of my own
opinions and sense of humor should cater to the humor demands of an
increasingly barbaric society (this is where I issue a conditional
apology: if you’re in Lilting Banshess, sorry, but I don’t approve of
your humor any more than I approve of Talladega Nights grossing $149
million dollars in 11 weeks in US Box Offices). However, I do have hope
for the Humor of WFU.
This leads me to my issue with yours: I would ask you to revise your
statement and/or ask for support within the OGB office about your
opinions concerning my articles except for one little problem. I don’t
think you or any of the other OGB staff have a solid grasp on what the
general WF populace even thinks of your publication, so you shouldn’t
expect me to value your opinion of the degree to which taste in my
writing has spread. On that note, I’ll have you know that over the past
month, my regular readers have told me that my articles have been top
notch (the best of my career), and some of my acquaintances (people I
hardly know, like a sophomore that I thought hated me who told me he
posted my last article on his dorm wall, a guy in one of my Math classes
to whom I had not said a single word, and my Social Dance professor, to
name a few) have used my articles as a stepping stone into the pond of
my friendship.
Also, I will have you know that I put about as much effort into writing
this as I exert writing a single paragraph for the OGB; I view myself as
an artisan and my articles as my goods.
Putting aside the inadequacy and unfoundedness of your
reasons for potentially cutting my column, I think getting fired by the
OGB would be a hilarious way to go.
Enjoy your weekend!
Austin
p.s. I must admit here that I accidentally sent you an unrevised version
of my article for this week. I have an edited version if you want it.
Let me know by Sunday.
…
On 9/30/2009 5:15 PM, Caroline _____ wrote:
All right. My apologies for inadequately accusing you of things you do not necessarily do. Please send me your column by next Sunday (when you would have sent me one anyway). Thank you for your dedication to the section, Mr. Jones.
Sincerely,
Caroline
P.S. That somehow brightened my morning. Thanks!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
____________________________________________________________
Thus, I am still writing! I have another article coming out this Thursday. check it out at oldgoldandblack.com!
